[locked from everyone]

I wish I could quit you, Clark Kent.

It was now just one hour into the new year and Lana had taken a cab from Chloe's back to the Smallville Inn where she was currently staying. She was more than a little drunk, but she managed to make it to her room just fine. As soon as the door shut, all the light and laughter faded from the night and the darkness crept in from all sides. It was a darkness she'd been trying to escape for some time, but it always returned full force, no matter what she did, no matter how she tried to nurture any bit of goodness she could find.

He's not like us, Lana. You might not want to admit it, but we understand each other.

Over a year had passed since he'd spoken those words, but she could still hear them as clear as if he was standing just behind her. It was one of the things she feared the most. She feared she understood Lex, and far too well. She feared her luck with men wasn't luck at all, that she was attracted to these men, who were eventually revealed to be more disturbed than the last, for a reason.

The darkness was there. She could feel it. She feared she could do nothing to stop it from totally consuming her.

Lana twisted the knob of the bathroom sink and splashed warm water on her face before staring back at her reflection.

Just face it, Lana. Inside, we're the same. We belong together.

She stared at herself for two more seconds before she pulled her arm back and sent her fist flying straight into the mirror.

Lana heaved a few deep breaths as she watched the glass shatter. The pain in her hand didn't bother her. Not really. After all, she deserved it after all the pain she'd caused, especially heartbreak she'd helped bring on the one man she'd ever loved who actually wanted to help the world. For that she deserved to die as much as Lex.

She didn't bother to wash the blood off her hand, or how she would explain, just removed the small shards of glass that had embedded themselves into her skin before climbing into bed, hoping maybe the stress that Clark's powers had taken on her body that day would finally take it's toll. Maybe she'd get lucky and she would just keep sleeping, and the world wouldn't have to suffer the Luthor she knew was still inside her.

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